Here are the Top 10 Reasons Why Your Wife Hates Sex:
- You come on too strong.
Nobody likes to be attacked, and if your wife cringes as you come near, you are coming on too strong. She doesn't want to be "a sexy body" to you; she wants to be the wife that you love and adore. Don't go straight for the "goodies" but learn to take baby steps that she feels comfortable with. A kiss on the hand or stroking her hair for a while can be great starting places. A back massage, a gentle kiss on the cheek, whispering, "I love you." These are things that are likely to help her relax and welcome your affection. Then slowly ease in with a kiss on the neck perhaps and wait for her cues to tell you when she is ready for more. And be prepared to have to wait until next time if she's not ready for more. - She's worn out.
Do some things to help her out around the house. And I'm not talking about pitching in one day and looking for sex that night. Make it a habit to help her out, recognizing that she has a lot on her plate every day that can be overwhelming.
Women find something very sexy about a man who voluntarily does the dishes or folds the laundry without being asked, without complaining and without looking for something in return. A selfless act that helps lighten her load will eventually pay off because -- even if she doesn't sleep with you -- she will be in a better mood. - The pleasure is not worth the effort.
If sex isn't that enjoyable for your wife, even (on rare occasion) when she does give in, why would she want to bother with it? You need to do everything you can to make sure it is pleasurable for her. But how do you find this out? From her!
First off, be prepared to spend a lot of time "preparing" her during foreplay. It ends when she tells you she wants it, and it could take awhile. Let her be the one who is in control and decides when she is ready.
It's not a bad idea to tell her during foreplay, "We won't have sex unless you tell me you want it." This will help her relax and be able to enjoy foreplay, knowing that she controls when/if penetration is going to happen.
Note: Every time you check to feel if she is ready or ask if she is ready, she will get nervous and it is like taking 10 steps backwards. Even if she "seems" ready, it is important to let her decide when sex begins. If you decide, you may find her just lying there motionless letting you get what you want, and you can tell she is not enjoying it. Once this happens, it is not likely anything you do will make it enjoyable for her. So let her be in control from the start, and this will help her feel more comfortable and confident, relax and enjoy. - You don't listen to what she says she wants.
Every woman is different, and there is no "magic button" or routine that will turn her on each time. Don't get frustrated if what worked last time is not working this time.... or if what a friend told you works for his wife does not work for yours. Every woman has different desires, and these often change from day to day. If she tells you she wants something, DO IT! If she tells you to stop something, STOP IT!
Take the time to listen. She has probably told you again and again why she doesn't want sex. If not, ask what you can do to make sex more enjoyable for her. You would be surprised how willing she might be to offer up this information. And if she clams up, take a hint and don't press. Just tell her you are ready to listen if she ever wants to talk about it.
If on some occasion, you find that she really enjoys herself during sex, tell her you like to see her enjoying herself and see if she offers up why it is enjoyable. If not, no worries. Just be happy she is enjoying it and try to figure it out on your own.
"Tell me what feels good," is a great way to invite her to help you understand her needs as you are having sex. Don't ask her to "Tell me what to do," because this can convey that you just want to take orders and not put in the effort of trying. Plus, it's not likely she will even know if given a blank slate, and this can put pressure on her.
If you see she isn't enjoying herself, let her know you want this to feel good for HER, and invite her to give you cues as you try different things. If she doesn't enjoy herself the entire way through, talk about it afterwards and see if you can determine where things went wrong. Sometimes it's one small thing that ruins the experience for her: one comment, one sharp pain, a bad memory, your bad breath, etc. Give her a chance to tell you what that could have been so you can work on it next time. - It's not spontaneous.
"You wanna do it?" or "Let's have sex." = "No thanks," almost automatically. It's not special or enticing to plan to have sex, even if it's 10 seconds beforehand. This is a turn-off for your wife. You may think you are saving both of you time by finding out if she's interested, but the key is to MAKE her interested, and asking will just make her uninterested.
If you only kiss her certain places when you want sex, it becomes all too predictable, and is similar to saying one of the above. In other words, when you kiss her on the neck, she hears, "Let's go have sex." This is not what you want! So make sure you kiss her, caress her, grab her -- whatever -- when you are NOT looking for sex. If you do this and she shrinks away, tell her, "I don't want to have sex; I just want to kiss you," or something of that sort. This will help her let her guard down. The more your affection becomes tolerable, the more she is able to enjoy it and the better your chances that she will want sex... eventually. Again, be willing to give her time and be patient. Things will improve faster the more patient you are. - You choose a bad time.
You may just think a "bad time" for sex is when you are late for something or extremely tired. For your wife, it could be anything... if the kids are awake, if her legs aren't shaved, if her teeth aren't brushed, if she's not wearing makeup, if she feels like cleaning the house, if she... anything! If you ever hear the words, "It's just a bad time," try to take note and figure out what your wife considers a bad time, so you can avoid moving in when you are not wanted. - Sex is hollow.
A guy's needs during sex are completely different from his wife's needs. He needs a very one-dimensional stimulation, whereas she needs a multi-dimensional experience.
Too many times, sex is the end goal of foreplay and also where the experience becomes lifeless for your wife. Don't just kiss her during foreplay; keep kissing her during sex and see how she responds. Whisper that you love her, that she looks beautiful or tell her how she is making you feel. Help her get into it. Look into her eyes. Stroke her body in "non - private" places. Make it an all-in-one experience for her, stimulating as many senses as necessary.
And most importantly, watch how she reacts. You will be able to tell what is "working" for her. She will unintentionally let you know. - Sex is painful for her, or she is afraid it will hurt.
The first few times having sex can be painful for your wife. If she has been raped in the past, the scars may take forever to heal. Having a baby also takes time to heal -- sometimes years. Particularly for breast feeding women, sensitivity can last and last. If your wife's female parts are sensitive for any reason, be mindful of this, and be very careful. Let her take the reigns, and be patient.
Enough foreplay may make her want you, but you may also need artificial lubricant to help things along and lessen the pain. Make sure you understand which areas are painful for her and let her know you will try to avoid pressure on these areas.
Go slow and accept "the usual" rather than pushing her to experiment. Forget about trying different positions or moves while she is in pain. This is just going to tense her up and make it even more painful, doing more and more damage. Stick with safe, slow and steady until things improve. - There is an unresolved issue between you.
If she thinks you are being unfaithful, or she saw you checking out another woman, or she didn't like a certain comment you made, or she feels you are lazy -- it could be anything. Any unresolved issue can get in the way of romance. She isn't able to relax and "let go" with you because she has her guard up for one reason or another. Find out what the issue is, and let her know you are 100% committed to her and do what it takes to resolve things. Flowers, gifts and dinner out "just because" are great ways to fix whatever might be broken. Just don't "expect" sex at the end of the night. If it happens, it happens. - All of the above.
It may be a combination of things, so make sure you take time out to really understand your wife and why she refuses sex. It may take more effort on your part in the beginning, but the closeness and satisfaction certainly pays off if you are willing.
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